27 degrees of compatability

So, I have spent a good two hours of my life I will never get back setting up my e-harmony profile. I like their assessment of me. In their weird 27 degrees of compatibility' way, they've made me feel like any man would be lucky to have me (naturally) They have 5 buckets and here's where I fit:

I take care of others

I'm open to new ideas and new experiences
According to E-harmony, I have the best of both emotional worlds (I think my boss would disagree with this one) in that my emotions can come bubbling up and I can pull into myself.

I am focused and flexible

I am sometimes outgoing, sometimes reserved

But while they tell me that I'm entirely suited for a real relationship, they've got so much weird dating advice up on their site that it kinda makes me crazy insecure. It's like the “how I met your mother” episode when Barney talks about how subtly putting girls down while appearing to compliment them increases their vulnerability, which leads to sex for Barney, or for e-Harmony, me purchasing extra dating tips. So while they assure me I'm capable of love, they on all sides of my screen are reminders that it is so easy to miss the mark (and a soulmate is a very narrow target).

Don't believe me? Here's a sample of the “advice” articles:

1. 5 Photos that Make you Look Undateable
2. The Relationship Killers: 8 Things you Should Never Say
3. The Top 5 Male Turnoffs
4. Your Dating Image - What You Need to Know
5. Types of Women that Men Avoid
6. Signs of a Desperate Dater

I feel like they're taking lessons from Cosmo on how to make me hate myself.

But I have to remember WHY I'm doing this. This is not to find my soul mate (shhh). It's really to learn how to date someone and determine in a semi-normal way if there's potential there. Each day I get an e-mail with 5-10 more men and I look at their checklist and they look at mine and sometimes we ask each other stupid questions, like if you were to spend a night in, what would you do? (FYI: They don't have drink a bottle of wine and watch back to back episodes of Law & Order as an option). There's no way this leads to love. But it should help me learn the signs that a man is interested in me and the signs that a man is a good fit for me and it should help me learn a better way for handling the awkward, “this isn't really working for me” conversation.

Yes, determining what I'm worse at is a toss up at this point: beginning a not-relationship or extricating me from one? Beginning one at best case typically involves me kissing someone at a party or worse case I just take off my shirt. Ending one involves me deleting boys from my phone and facebook or calling them racist pigs who I never want to see again. (shocker- I never do)

So E-harmony, where's your advice for handling that?

The journey begins...

Welcome to my adventures as I seriously attempt to learn how to date. 




It seems fitting to start by talking about how I got here. I'm a 29 year old woman who's never been in a serious relationship. Partly by circumstance. Partly by choice. And over the last year it's become increasingly clear that I do not know how to date. So before 30 knocks at my door, I'm signing up for a crash course in dating relationships.


So, really, how did I get here?


The short answer is that I'm from a small Oklahoma town, where all relationships led to marriage and babies, which was not part of my plan for my 20's. As a result, I'm the master of the 3 date and out. I'm also experienced in the art of the quasi-relationship. You know the quasi-relationship? It's the one that lasts a few months, involves a lot of making out, infrequently hanging out (note: hanging out should never be confused with a date), and typically has an upcoming expiration date. I have also referred to this as "kinda-dating". So that if someone asks are you dating blah-blah, I would say "kinda".


All of this was super fun in my 20's and has led to many of my best stories (I'm sure that I'll be sharing some of these in the coming months when the inevitable dry spell hits). But the time has come to figure out how to date. I might leave the "how to be a girl-friend" lessons for 2012. That's a whole different situation. 


So, welcome again. Buckle you seat belts, folks. It's going to be a bumpy year!