I am Hot!

So after two weeks on OKCupid, I'm really having a fun time. I've been on two dates with a super nice boy (more on that later). In general, I really like the site. I can answer questions or not. I can sort through matches or not. I can wait for people to contact me or reach out to boys that seem cute.
And, as it turns out. I am one of the most attractive people on the site. (which should tell you something about their standards of attractiveness.) But how did I find this out? Why they sent me an e-mail with the subject: You are Hot! And you know, not that I needed any confidence boosting, but an auto generated hotness rating always gives me a boost.

I'm pretty  happy with the matches I've had so far, so I'm not necessarily celebrating the "more attractive matches" that will be showing up in my account. Case in point: when I logged in I found Smoker in my new queue. And I felt really great about that relationship ending when I saw that when asked, "In the sentence 'Wherefore art thou Romeo" what does 'wherefore' mean? with: "How". Not Where. not Why. Not even WTF/Who Cares\. Nope. How. I think I was better off with the cute nerdy ones than the dumbass crazy ones. But hey, what's a girl to do?

I wonder if they send me a similar e-mail if I get down graded?

Memorial Day Weekend 2012

So on Memorial Day weekend 2012, I went to a cook out with lovely friends, had a picnic in Rittenhouse Square, went to Atlantic City (see above) and in general, was constantly reminded of how great life was. As a result, I have decided to lift my self-imposed dating ban. (Which initally started as a giving up men for Lent and then went so well I decided to keep it around through June!)

Not dating was great, but I'm ready to ready for round two:

 Learning how to date someone who doesn't suck.

And to get started, I'm on OKCupid. Which seems a lot like Facebook for single people. I love Facebook, so I'm sure I'll love this. Or at least like it better than e-Harmony!  

Just when you think it couldn't get any worse

January 17, 2011

You know that scene in Gone with the Wind where Scarlett visits the wounded on the battlefield and the camera just keeps pulling back and back and back and reveals more and more destruction? That what I feel like.

I had dinner with church friends and it was revealed:

1. Pastor is dating the choir girl from church.
2. They've been dating since this summer (apparently in a non-exclusive way)
3. She won't sleep with him, because she's saving herself for marriage

What's ironic is that I really was starting to feel better about the Pastor situation. I had decided that since I didn't know who it was, it wasn't fair to assume it was Choir Girl. If I'm honest, and I know this isn't flattering, I decided that it was mean to assume that Pastor would date Choir Girl, because I've never liked her. She always says weird things to me, she's super-conservative, and I think she's frumpy. In my list of people that Pastor could be dating, she was the one I hoped it would be, because it was easier to think about him with someone awful. But it was still shocking, and will likely make church events a little uncomfortable for the next few years, until they get married and move to Chestnut Hill or until she starts going to church with him.

In addition, a few weeks ago I had asked Pastor if he still had a book that belonged to me and this morning he told me he did and he would mail it to me. It was a stupid thing to ask for, I know. But I thought that if he could do something half-way decent, like give me my book back, maybe I would be able to focus on the semi-nice thing he did instead of all the shitty things he did. Now, of course, I'm going to have to burn any book that has been contaminated by being in his bachelor pad.

It sucks to be faced with these cold, hard facts. I keep trying to find something redeemable in him. And there's nothing. I was hoping that the farther I pulled away from him everything would soften and get fuzzy, like a Monet painting. Given enough distance and time, things would look better. But I have a feeling that no matter how much time and distance there is, I will just keep seeing more maimed and wounded soldiers, more smoldering flames, more destruction.

We've officially changed his name from Pastor to Bastard.

Silence

January 16, 2011

I should have gone to NYC this weekend. I wanted to- 3 day weeekend. Decent weather for January. But I didn't. Because Smoker told me time and time again that we were going to hang out this weekend. And then Friday came around and he didn't respond to my texts or my phone call.
I don't really think I'm crazy. I've looked at the text messages. He definetly said that he wanted to hang out on Saturday and Monday. He said I should plan our weekend adventures. And yet, when Friday came around, he didn't respond to my texts to firm up plans. I called on Sunday to see if we were still hanging out on Monday. Nothing. And it's the most awkward thing in the world. Because he asked me to make plans. So, I'm supposed to be planning. I'm supposed to call. And yet, nothing happens when I do.

Dating the Man who says things too soon.

January 10, 2011

So, I've been kinda freaking out about how into me Smoker appears to be. He's wanted to hang out Saturday and Sunday. He mentioned he needed a date for something March. He's talked about me to his mom. Everytime we talk, it seems like he's checking things off his list and if we make it to the bottom of the page, everything will be good to go for a lifetime of happiness.

And I'm realizing that this is a pattern in many of the men I've dated in the last few years. I've dated (rounding those relationships up) 4 men since I moved to Philadelphia and 3 of them have been classic Early Releasers. By which I mean, saying things way to early in a relationship.

There was Big Tall Italian guy, who, on our second date, let me know that he had talked about me to his mom and just wanted to check and make sure that when he went home this weekend, he could tell his parents that we were together. I said sure! But at that point, I had never talked to my parents about any boy I was dating. I would reference a date that had occurred in the past, sometimes the not too distant past. But there was no talking about a boy I was with, until Pastor.

And there was Pastor, who on the infamous, "I feel like I'm cheating on my wife' night, also said, "I'm not saying that this will lead to marriage, but I could see that happening with us. And if it does, we're going to have to talk about children. Because I'm on the 'no' side of Maybe and if it's something you really want, I'm gonna want that to happen sooner rather than later." I mean the levels of WTF are just off the charts for this one.

And now this guy keeps talking about how this is so great- and I agree that it is really great- and he just seems to assume that everything will work out between us and has not hesitation about telling me this.

I have always assumed that if I ever indicated on a 1st date, or even in the first month of dating, that I thought we would be seeing each months down the line, the boy would run for the hills. But here they are, nonchalantly making plans months in the future, involving their parents and even our future children into our very early discussions.

And here's my problem with this. It takes me a bit longer to make up my mind about someone. I need a bit of time to figure out if I like him and if we make a good couple before I can introduce him to my friends or family and a lot of time to decide if we would be good parents. And it seems just about the time that I come around, he's decided that he would like to date someone else. That's not fair.

Best. Date. Ever.

January 7, 2011

Today I had the best date of my entire life.

I realize that's a pretty low bar, but I have to say that from now on, the bar will be ridiculously high.

This is my co-worker's friend, Smoker. Smoker picks me up at 1pm today and we grab hoagies. I eat all of mine because I went for a 4 mile run this morning and I'm STARVING. I know-- poor date etiquette.
Then we go to a used bookstore and talk about all the books we've read. We buy each other books. Then we grab coffee. We share our 'deal-breaker' baggage, in case the other one wants to get out now. He's a smoker, a recovering alcoholic, etc. I was a missionary and go to church most Sundays. We talk a lot and he's the first person I've dated in YEARS that can talk more than me. He's smart and interesting and witty and he doesn't talk all the time- I still talk a lot. We go to another book store. We listen to music.

Here's the thing. He is nothing like anyone I've ever dated. He's an ethnic Jew, but was raised an Atheist and has been practicing Buddhism since he went into recovery. He doesn't drink. He does smoke. He's tall- like way over 6 feet. This is pretty much the opposite of every person I've been in a relationship with.

But here's the thing. We have similar taste in music and books. We have similar political beliefs. We have similar views on the role family plays in our lives. We have jobs that make us happy and that we're good at. I've never had any of that in a relationship.

I still don't know. I like my bottle of wine. and whiskey. and beer. And my faith is an important part of who I am. I'm not sure of how this works out. But there's a part of me that's realizing that I've been fishing out of the same spot for years and getting nothing and it's possible I've just been looking in the wrong place.

New Year's Resolution: Date someone awesome

Dec 20, 2011

I'm doing the 12 Days of Oklahoma Christmas, so I've got lots of time to think about how awesome the dude I'll date next year is going to be.

Here's my Top 5

• Good listener (I'm a funny person and I process things by talking. So he needs to be prepared for me to talk. A lot. Bonus if he's also funny and a good talker.)
• Likes his family and willing to fit into mine. (We're an odd crew, but I need someone who will participate in family game night.)
• Feels like he's good at his job and that his job makes a difference in the world. (We all need to complain about work sometimes. But I want him to have a sense of vocation- that's he's doing the thing he supposed to do.)
• Generally optimistic, but clear-eyed (It was emotionally exhausting to spend so much time with someone who always saw the worst in situations. I can't be cheerleader all the time.)
• Won't make me cry (This first time I got my heart broken, my mom told me that any man who intentionally made you cry wasn't worth having.)

So, Pastor totally had the first one nailed. But receives failing marks on the other four. The good thing about the whole Pastor experience, is that there's really no where to go but up. But that bar is so ridiculously low, that it's not fair to say, "I want to date someone who doesn't suck as a person." So for 2012, I'm saying, "I want to date someone awesome."

My coworker is going to set me up with an old friend, who's about my age. It's unclear if it will be awesome. But there's potential there.