Gym Warriors Need Not Apply

An open letter to the “Physically Fit Man",

I'm so glad you love working out 4-5 times a week! It's a stress reliever! Keeping physically fit is important to you!

Whatever.

It's great that you have a hobby. But there are certain hobbies that are more solo hobbies. I like that you are taking care of yourself. It will make taking off your shirt so much more fun. But we are not going to be workout buddies. I don't have workout buddies. I did once. They were girls. So why tell me “Keeping Physically Fit” is one of the 3 things you are best at? And “Physically Fit” is one of the 4 things friends say about you. And you mention working out as one of the ways you like to spend leisure time (FYI- any activity that includes “work” does not count as leisure time).

The problem with “hitting the gym” is that it doesn't require a lot of personality. In fact, hitting the gym is perhaps the best thing to do if you have no social skills. You don't have to make conversation- just grunt. Or if you do want to bond over working out, you can talk about....how much you can bench? Aside from an easy pick up line, “Need a spot?”, there's not a lot to discuss. “You come here often?” “You training for anything?” “I like your water bottle.”

So here's my point, Physically Fit Man, I accept that working out is something you do that takes a chunk of time out of your week. That's cool. But, to me, that's a little bit like saying, everyday I listen to NPR on the way to work. It's part of your routine and I'm down with that. But-- if that's the most interesting thing about you, you clearly can't handle a woman who has an actual personality.

Sincerely,
Ashby