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June 16, 2011

It wasn't a lie to tell Pastor that my June was really busy. It is. I was in Dallas for work earlier this week and now I'm at home for a few days. Tomorrow is Father's Day. It's nice to be at home for Father's Day and I was concerned about how mom would handle the first Father's Day without Grandpa.

I've been really impressed with myself and how I'm handling the break-up. I haven't cried. I don't feel miserable and alone. Or at least, not until today.

Today we went to my grandparent's house. All the furniture is gone. There are a few new light fixtures and new paint, to help it sell. The trees have been cut down. It looks like any old person's home now. There's nothing of my grandpa here.

This realization brings tears to my eyes so I leave the room and walk outside and for the first time since the break-up I have a real need to call Pastor. He was the person I leaned on. And for the first time I feel totally alone. For the first time I am angry at him.

But it's a beautiful June day. A few minutes later, the wave of grief passes and is down to a manageable level.

This isn't so bad, right.