What was I thinking?

May 27, 2011

It's becoming increasing clear that my theory that this all would work itself out is deeply flawed.

This evening we were enjoying a drink on the back porch, when I mentioned that I was nervous about meeting his friends. He gave me a look that seemed to say, "We're not telling them about us."

So maybe we aren't dating?

Nothing was going according to plan. We went out to dinner at someplace I'm sure was lovely, but it was incredibly hot. At least, that's was my theory as to why I felt so uncomfortable.

That evening we're having a glass of wine and watching TV and I ask him to come sit by me on the sofa. And he doesn't want to. He does, for like 5 minutes, but he's stiff as a board. He's thinking his wife. I don't know this, but I feel like I'm sitting where she sat. And the last time I was here, I truly was just a friend. I think that me sitting in her seat was comforting to him. But now, I feel like it's threatening him.

Whenever we arrived, I put my bag in the kitchen. I wasn't sure where I was supposed to sleep. I mean, from our interactions together, it didn't seem like we would sleep in the same room. And I have no interest in sleeping in the same room he shared with his wife. But maybe he would come sleep with me in my room? And at the same time, WE ARE ON A WEEKEND GET AWAY. How is there NO romance?

After he rejected my sitting on the couch proposal and my offer to talk about why he didn't want to sit on the couch, I picked up my bag and took it to the room I stayed in last time. I'm sitting in bed, just wondering if this whole thing was a total mistake.