June 2, 2011
It was the nicest break-up I've ever had. (not that there's been many). He was sitting at the bar drinking wine. I had already had a couple drinks, at a friends' concert after work. We do the small talk. And then he tells me he doesn't want to do this any more. He isn't ready to date. I ask him when he knew this, and instantly I know that that's not a fair question. I shake it off. I ask him where he wants to go from here.
Apparently, his vision of our relationship is that we could still go out to dinner, travel together, talk, etc. But there can't be any hint of anything physical. Just friends. And that might change later this fall. But it's not fair to me to ask me to wait. I should be able to date other people.
And he accepts that he has no expectation of any relationship. I can tell he is prepared for me to walk away.
I can tell that I need to walk away. I can't go on like this. Spending the weekends together. Buying towels for the bathroom. Discussing his sermon ideas. Counselling him through all his work trial with the new church he already regrets accepting. That's not just a friendship.
So I tell him, that I've never been friends with someone I broke up with. I don't know how to do that. I'll be awkward and weird. Also I have a very busy June- lots of travel. And then I go home and I block him from my Facebook. I delete all his text messages. I erase all his emails. I text my friends. I call my mom.
It's sad. But it's not unexpected. And I didn't have to say anything. He did all the work for me. So it turned out to be easier than I thought. I mean, that's part of dating, right? The inevitable break-up.
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