Revenge

November 27, 2011

Top 10 Revenge fantasies:

1. My mom wanted to call his church and get him fired (Unfortunately, just this May the PCUSA removed the standard about remaining chaste in singleness, so that's not actually possible)
2. A friend in California offered to fly in and key "Pervert" on his car and then fly out
3. Co-workers volunteered to send Viagra to his church office
4. I like the idea of dressing in red, with a giant scarlet A pin and going to church for the next 3 Sundays
5. Something about a pregnancy scare?

I'm not so good at the revenge thing. I keep feeling like this must be an big misunderstanding- none of it makes sense. And yet, I have no desire to ever talk to him again. I don't want to hear any excuses. The one thing I'm sure of is Pastor feels sorry for himself, not for me. I've sat across from him in bars too many times, when he's complained about the step-kids or his wife's friends and family who cut him out, or about his old church or about his new church. I picture him sitting across from some other naive girl, explaining that he never said that we were dating, I had no right to expect anything from him. I mean, he bought our drinks and dinner. I'm almost 30. I should know that this is how the world works. He's been going through hell since his wife died. Isn't he entitled to a little fun, when he's been so miserable for so long.

I don't want to explain anything. No one has ever said that I'm a subtle person- so although he's right that we never defined any of this, I refuse to believe that I was unclear. Talking about this isn't going to make it any better. Just got to push on.