May 3, 2011
I forgot to mention in my last post, that I asked my friend what her memorial day weekend plans were and as a result she asked me what my memorial day plans were and I said, "No plans." Even though all I've been thinking about is that I am going back to the lovely house in the mountains with Pastor. But I couldn't say that to my friend. Because saying you're going away for the weekend makes it sounds like your dating. So I said no plans. And I paid the price today.
Pastor and I were texting back and forth and I could tell that he was hurt that I had said no plans. At one point we talked on the phone and I believe I said something ridiculously awkward such as, "Pastor, I really want to go with you for Memorial Day. I just wasn't sure what the plan was. And it seemed weird to talk about it in front of friend. But I promise. I really want to go. Really." If you could have overheard the conversation, I swear it would have sounded like someone telling their fiance that yes, I might have made out with your best friend. But I was drunk. And it was years ago. and I love you.
I am a good six months away from feeling like we're in a dating zone and I've already managed to fuck it up well inside a month, there's basically not a prayer that this will ever work.
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