Wise Men at Conferences

October 5, 2011

I've been at work conference the past week and I'm feeling a little sick. Last night, on the dance floor, my boss as Gilman, our consultant, to consult with me on my relationship with Pastor.

Gilman asked me if I was crazy about him. I said yes. Which kinda shocked me. I don't think I realized it until I had a couple glasses of wine in me and someone asked me a direct question.

Well, then, Gilman said, the only thing to say is that I know that there's still a place of your heart filled with your wife. But I want the rest of it. Can you share it with me?

So, that's where I am.

We had dinner before I left. He invited me over for dinner to watch the Phillies beat the Cards and this time the topic was how lonely he is. How he doesn't have any friends. And it was all I could do not to yell, "Then why don't you date me? I have a fabulous social life. If you are so lonely, make a change. You are the one choosing to be miserable. You have a different option."

But Gilman has a better way to say this, as usual. And it's true. I don't want to date anyone but him. I get that there would be lots of weird obstacles and I don't have the first idea how any of them would work out. But I need to talk to him about what's going on with my life, otherwise it doesn't make sense.

For the first time in my life, I want to be in a relationship with someone. I think it's time to say I understand if you don't want to be in a relationship yet. Between the whole, "I never want to be happy again" comment and his trip to the Bahama's for his would be 5th anniversary, I would really doubt that he's in any place for this. I care about him so much, that I am willing to be his friend until he figures everything out. I mean, when we broke up he said that it wasn't fair to make me wait. Now it's time for me to offer to wait. Because I think we'd be worth it.