Just when you think it couldn't get any worse

January 17, 2011

You know that scene in Gone with the Wind where Scarlett visits the wounded on the battlefield and the camera just keeps pulling back and back and back and reveals more and more destruction? That what I feel like.

I had dinner with church friends and it was revealed:

1. Pastor is dating the choir girl from church.
2. They've been dating since this summer (apparently in a non-exclusive way)
3. She won't sleep with him, because she's saving herself for marriage

What's ironic is that I really was starting to feel better about the Pastor situation. I had decided that since I didn't know who it was, it wasn't fair to assume it was Choir Girl. If I'm honest, and I know this isn't flattering, I decided that it was mean to assume that Pastor would date Choir Girl, because I've never liked her. She always says weird things to me, she's super-conservative, and I think she's frumpy. In my list of people that Pastor could be dating, she was the one I hoped it would be, because it was easier to think about him with someone awful. But it was still shocking, and will likely make church events a little uncomfortable for the next few years, until they get married and move to Chestnut Hill or until she starts going to church with him.

In addition, a few weeks ago I had asked Pastor if he still had a book that belonged to me and this morning he told me he did and he would mail it to me. It was a stupid thing to ask for, I know. But I thought that if he could do something half-way decent, like give me my book back, maybe I would be able to focus on the semi-nice thing he did instead of all the shitty things he did. Now, of course, I'm going to have to burn any book that has been contaminated by being in his bachelor pad.

It sucks to be faced with these cold, hard facts. I keep trying to find something redeemable in him. And there's nothing. I was hoping that the farther I pulled away from him everything would soften and get fuzzy, like a Monet painting. Given enough distance and time, things would look better. But I have a feeling that no matter how much time and distance there is, I will just keep seeing more maimed and wounded soldiers, more smoldering flames, more destruction.

We've officially changed his name from Pastor to Bastard.